LillieMo

From the last time I've updated, I've had some good news to keep me going.

A: Christine and I found a flat! It's on the university campus practically and a university owned flat. It is the 3rd floor, and noone is above us. It's 2 bedrooms (big and high ceilings), bathroom and kitchen/living space. It's on Teviot Place which is 5 minutes to class, 5 to the library, 5 to the SUs, 10 to Tesco, 5 to Royal Mile, 10 to Princes St. Can't get in a better position really.
Christine went to see it while I was at home for the weekend (19-21 Feb) and really liked it, so we reserved it bright and early on the Monday morning, and we were so close to losing it to another pair - luckily we got there first!
I wasn't 100% happy with it, because it's not a lovely homely flat like I would have wanted, but it is a good flat in a good location (more pros than cons) and I know that we weren't going to find anywhere much better, and we could do a lot worse. So, I just need to make my bedroom my own, and we can organise the flat to our likings. The worst bit for me is the kitchen/living area. The kitchen is lovely, modern and new, but there isn't a living area as such. It's just a dining room table and chairs, but I'm pretty sure we're going to buy a cheap 2-seater sofa thing that will fit in - you know, just somewhere to sit and chill.
But, we signed the lease, and we collect our keys on 11th June and it is ours. It is relatively cheap and rent includes internet and heating, so we can't really go wrong.
I am happy, it's just another big step which I am fearful of, but it will all go to plan!

B: Got a few essays back, and I've been pleased with the marks:
History Assignment Semester Two - 67%
English Essay 3 Semester Two - 64%
So I'm pleased that I'm passing!

I've just handed in my 'big' 2000 word essays for each, so fingers crossed. I had a hard time with essays, they were all due in on the same date, but I've survived!
I'm handing my Scottish Studies 3000 essay in on Thursday, so hopefully I'll survive it too!

C: I've really been enjoying my time with friends. I have this fear that I'm a changed person here at University, like I don't think I'm the bubbly, excited, Happy Lorna as much, but I think its because I focus too much on work. And I know it's a bad thing, because university is not just for working, I need to work at my relationships, and I don't want to push my friends away.
The main thing this semester has been my NI girl - friends. They are delightful girls, and I really do fit in with them (most of the time): they're always together, and it makes me sad sometimes when I don't fit in 100%, but that is my own doing. They are brilliant and include me in everything, and Ruth especially is my little rock here. I don't honestly know what I would do without her. I moan to her, and she is great (she also moans to me!), but we have a really good friendship.

I think that is all my good news, but it is almost Easter - where has time gone, we've only got 1 week of class left!
I'm excited for Saturday when 5 of us are going to Glasgow for the day - a wee change and break.
Also excited for going home at Easter for 3 weeks. Although I haven't been homesick this semester, I'm wanting to go home now, just because my brain is getting full again and I'm getting tired, and I know I'm going in 11 sleeps, so I just want it to come!!

Oh, my big cousin Alan (and his wife Leanne) had a baby last week in Sydney. He is called Alexander Van Compton (Alec for short) and is named after my Granda Harris <3
He is a beautiful baby!

So, I'm well into Semester 2, infact, I'm about to start Week 6. Time just flies.

I know I haven't updated in a while, but to be honest nothing much has happened. I'm feeling a lot more settled this semester and a lot more comfortable here. I haven't been home sick as much, and just get on with things, and trying not to panic as much as I did last year!

I had my Scottish Studies last term, and found out that I passed the course, with 66% overall (exam and essay) and it's a B. That was a happy day.
Also, my English Literature class exam from December is even better - I got 71% which is an A3 grade. SO HAPPY.

I haven't been doing much here - been to the cinema once, for dinner a few times and shopping also with my friends. Inbetween, I've just been working away as usual, with essays and reading and also flat hunting for next year.

I'm going to be living with my best friend here, Christine. THere is only the 2 of us, so it quite tricky. But we've been looking non-stop and been to see a few university flats, but they're no good. There's an accommodation fair on Wednesday, so we'll be definitely going to that.

POllock is very quiet at the minute. It's the Valentine's Weekend and lots of people are away or have visitors, including all my friends:
Christine - Aberdeen to see boyfriend until Monday
Lily - away home until Wednesday because she has a reading week
Steph - away home until Monday to see boyfriend and do her driving test
Ruth - away to a training weekend for THe National Youth CHoir of Scotland
RUth - family are visiting
Ceri - away to see her boyfriend
Emily - away home for her Granny's birthday.

Luckily I have Frances here still, but last night she went out with people on her course, so I didn't do much: some work, MSN and slept! Today we're going to watch the Six Nations Ireland V France match and I've borrowed a shirt from Emily! Hopefully I'll get her to come to Princes St for a while before!

Well I'm back safe and sound into my wee room in Lee House (:

It's been so snowy here in the UK for 4 weeks now, and to be honest, I'm fed up of it now! And it almost played havock with my flight yesterday. Luckily I was only 1 hour delayed... as Belfast to Edinburgh flights from the other Belfast airport were cancelled.
Someone was really on my side! Also another case - my suitcase was 27.5KG... instead of 20KG and I would have had to pay £101, but because I was delayed the airline decided to put my case through as just 20KG - good for me! Let's just say my parents were relieved!

As I was delayed, I was 1 hour later and got back here about 8.30pm which is still good. I got the airlink bus to Waverley and then a taxi back to my house (no chance was I waiting on a bus while dragging my suitcase!) In fact, I fell outside the train station because of my silly leather boots and now I've got a big swollen knee ): What can you do!? There was no way I was stopping myself from falling and knew I would!

I decided not to unpack, but went and said hello to Christine and Steph, then Ruth invited me down to her room for tea and buns (: It was lovely to see her and have a wee chat! I then got back up to my room about 10.30pm, and then got ready for bed, read a bit and went on the computer. I went to bed after 11.30pm, but didn't sleep for ages! I finally got over, but kept waking up every hour and until 9am, I just decided to get up and do things! I feel like I've done so much and it's only 1.30pm! I unpacked and tidyed everything away - back to normal, I went to brunch, got washed/dressed, read some, made a time table, fixed my pin boards, read some English stuff and now I'm on here! Waiting for Christne to call up, as we're going to Tesco together, then I'm going to the Microlab to print stuff out, and just chill and read and relax today!

I wasn't happy to be leaving home again - but it's me! I was teary when I got back here last night, but it's just because I've been home for practically a month and got used to home etc. Now I'm back alone and will be getting results and more work!
But my New Year resolution is to STOP BEING A WIMP and to STOP BEING FRIGHTENED AND SCARED simply of life! I need to start enjoying myself and not to be bogged down with fears and worries.

(:

I went out for dinner with my parents to a place called Maloney’s where I had some seabass and vegetables, it was lovely! A wee change. I really enjoyed myself with my Mum and Dad, I miss them heaps while in Edinburgh!


Instead of going to a friend’s house for New Year’s – this year we decided to get tickets for Box nightclub in Belfast. We arrived about 9.15pm and had to queue to get in, and it was so busy! There were a good few of us; Me, Lauren, Nicola, Sarah, Keri and her Boyfriend, Hannah and her Boyfriend and Ryan. We just stood around all night and then danced. At midnight, we all went onto the dance floor and brought the new year in together. Talk about sardines – we were almost mushed sardines it was that busy! I think next year, if they are talking about going to a club, I’ll pass – I just didn’t like the mass of people!
But we had a great wee time together, and our taxi unfortunately was half an hour late so we had to stand outside freezing! It soon came and we all went home! I stayed over in Lauren’s house so when we arrived, we talked to her parents for a wee while then went up to bed – we didn’t actually get into bed until 4am! It was a great wee night though!

Hello 2010!

I went into town with Lauren, Hannah and Keri today. It was good to catch up and just lark around while shopping like we always do! We went to this new little pizza place called Little Wing for lunch – it was lovely!
At night, Lauren and I went to Hannah’s house for dinner and a DVD. We had Chinese food and just laughed and talked and ate crap and had fun! I miss doing wee things like that!

Christmas Eve - I went into town with my Dad as traditionally we always go in for lunch and a wee walk. We went to the Kitchen Bar for lunch, but missed Auntie Norma and Uncle Alan (they usually eat with us). We just walked about and then went home where we had family time and relaxed all night.

Christmas Day – I got up at 9am and opened all my presents from people, parents and Santa. I didn’t get a ‘big’ present, but lots of small things and money eg; sweets, socks, jewellery, make-up and bits and bobs. We then went to Auntie Ray’s house where the whole family traditionally meet. We all stayed there a wee while, and everyone left except Debra, Tom, Auntie Ray, Me, Mum, Dad and Granny – who stay for Christmas dinner. It was lovely, I had salmon this year and all the usual trimmings. After dinner we just relaxed, watched a DVD and talked. Had a good wee day, though nothing much happens!

Boxing Day – Traditionally the WHOLE family come to my house for dinner and this year was no different! We all talked and laughed, ate and then watched a film on TV. Everyone left after 6pm, then I went with Debra, Tom and Auntie Ray to their friend’s house for a ‘games night’ and nibbles. It was funny, we just played the Wii and laughed!

Had a great wee Christmas and it's great to be home!

Today is Granny's 87th birthday, and we were supposed to have a family party as we do every year in Auntie Ray's house, but because of the weather, it was cancelled. The snow is crazy, and Auntie Ray lives in the middle of no where, literally a field, so there is no hope for us all going to get there!
Was annoyed at weather! I was looking forward to the wee party!

Instead I got coaxed into going to the M Club with Lauren and Hannah for the night. It was all going to plan, with us having lots of fun and laughs, when we all got a wee bit tipsy - that's the drunkest I've ever been - yet I was still 99% perfectly fine! Just silly and dizzy!
But I quickly sobered up - if you would say that I had a lot to drink in the first place!
But Hannah got really drunk (don't know why, because she hadn't had lots to drink, don't think she had dinner!) and Lauren was very tipsy also, kissing dudes by the number!
I had to pull her off some boy, because Hannah was being drunk in the toilets, and I didn't know what to do!
While trying to get a glass of water into the bathroom (past the bouncer) which failed epically! Lauren got her up etc, and the next thing I know was I saw them both going out a back door with a female bouncer! Flip, I almost died!
I met them dwnstairs and got out taxi to come earlier and got everyone's stuff, and plastic bags for Hannah, when our taxi came. The driver saw Hannah and was like, no way am I taking her home! But I coaxed him into it, and she wasn't sick at all (thank the Lord!) and we got her into bed.

We got home okay too, but I couldn't sleep! About 3.30am I needed to go the toilet, then wheen I got back into bed, I felt really sick. At 530am I had to go into my Mum and tell her that I didn't feel well, because I was supposed to be taking Dad into work at 7am! But I just felt so dizzy.
I woke up at 10am and Mum said she thinks it was my tablet that made me feel sick, because you're not supposed to take it with alcohol, but I didn't think! Not going to do that again! But I had to get the bus into town, and collect the car, because Dad didn't wake me because I felt ill! And he couldnt drive home because he was going to a Christmas party!!

What a night! All ended well and safe etc, but it was my first experience with a drunk friend and I thought I was going to have a heart attack!

Last Sunday before Christmas (:

I went to church as usual in the morning, and it was the children's Nativity. It was funny, all children things are funny, with the teachers stressing out and kids waving to their families and not singing loud enough etc. I enjoyed it!

It's Sarah's birthday tomorow, so she invited Hannah and I for dinner in some old hotel (literally for OAP's) in Carrickfergus. Our table was Sarah, Hannah, Me, her mum, dad and a wee lady from her church, Milly.
We had a good wee time, the food wasn't too bad and we made our own fun!

The snow is crazy, looks like a white Christmas is going to be had!

Christmas Carol Service in church by candlelight - was a lovely service and we brought Hannah and her mum (: Additions to our pew.

YF was in Amanda's house and just the usual- food, games and chat.


Overall, I had a busy but great day!

The last few days at home have just been spent relaxing, lazing about and spending time with friends and family. It's been great!

I went into town and got Christmas presents and just generally looked about.

On 17th, Lauren and I went to the pre-formal of Soxth Form at my old school - the new Head Girl invited us! I drove up to the Rosspark and it was my first experience of driving in the snow, and I did not like it! We had an alright time: I'm so thankful the one I organised last year went okay compared to this one - the Lower Sixth are all bad eggs!

On 19th I went to Ballymena with my parents and had a good wee day too - though it's freezing! Nothing much happened to be fair, just the usual time. At night, I went to the Box nightclub with Lauren and Nicola. Just the usual again, dancing and sitting!

H O M E T I M E

Christmas holidays have come at last and I'm free for a little while. How thankful I am for my parents changing my flight for today - that's 1 extra week I;m getting at home!
I packed everything this morning, and think I'm taking a lot of clothes home, and have no idea if I'll wear them all, but one can never be too prepared!

I had to be at the airport for 3pm at the latest, but I was there after 2pm, because the roads were clear.
Thank goodness I got home okay, because the fog was very, very thick over Edinburgh and flights yesterday were cancelled.

When I got home, I unpacked and relaxed. My parents were out for a Christmas dinner, so Lauren came round and we watched TV and ate food! Nothing changes eh!? Had a great wee night catching up with her <3

Bad news though - my Auntie Norma (my Godmother) is in hospital, and has been for weeks. Noone wanted me to know ):
A few years ago she had alike a mental breakdown, and the signs were happening again, so Uncle Alan had her checked out and he got her there in the right time. I know its the right place for her to be better again, I just pray she'll be ok and it won't be long now until she is back to her usual self.

I have realised I don't post much any more - just really good things or really bad things! Well, they are the things that stand out to me, everything else just merges into one here, probably because I don't do much except eat, sleep, class, work.

Good News:

--> On my last English essay I got 61%. Higher than my last one.
--> On my last History essay I got 66%. Higher than my last one.
--> Lectures and tutorials finished for the semester last Friday.
--> I'm going home in 3 days (12th December) for Christmas.


Bad News:
--> Lectures may have finished, but it's exam time now.
--> I had my first university exam yesterday (Scottish Studies). I don't know how it went, just going to not think about it. It was 2 hours for 3 short essay style questions.
--> I'm currently undertaking my English 'class exam' (a week to do an essay question which will be marked like an exam, based in 2 texts of literary style eg, poem and drama).
--> I have 1 day left before essay is due in and I'm still 200 words over the limit and I CAN'T CUT!!
--> Went to the doctors last week and I'm being kept on the tablets for anxiety.
--> Next door neighbour has a girlfriend and they are fond to sleep in his room - things I would rather not hear!

This weekend was brilliant, my Mum came and visited, and we were set to do all the 'tourist' things, because I'm living in an amazing city, and haven't done anything, or a clue about anything! Wasteful I know.

She arrived just before 1pm on Friday, and it was great timing because my lecture finished at 1pm. We went for a wee quick lunch and to Tesco... she paid for the things I neeeded, like washing powder HA!
We then checked her into B&B which is right beside Pollock, and lovely I may mention, and then we went to my room for a wee bit, and then straight back out for shopping on Princes Street (:
I did some Christmas shopping, but I'm not buying much ... I am a poor student! Ha, no, my friends and I decided not to do Christmas 'big' simply because we're all away etc.
We didn't bother heading back here so just faffed around and then went for dinner in a Mexican restaurant called 'Pancho VIllas' - it was superb, ha how I miss my favourite foods!
Afterwards, we had a slow walk home, and Mum came into my room and we just watched TV and talked etc - nice and quiet and relaxing <3 Then after 11pm she walked down to her wee guest house.

On Saturday we got up bright and early and left to go on the Edinburgh Site Seeing Tours which I had been dying to go on!! It was good, informative and got me to see the city more than I have since September! We then caught the bus to Leith and shopped at the big centre called 'Oceans Terminal'. It was good, didn't really buy much, a few Christmas things, but nothing major. It was just nice to be with Mum. Afterwards, we went up and down the Royal Mile and came back here and relaxed for a short time before we left to go back in to the city for dinner. We went to 'Bella Italia' and it was lovely too, followed by a DVD in my room.

This morning, we went into Edinburgh centre again, and visited Edinburgh Castle - which I haven't been to in a long time. It was good, cold but good. I'm glad we went!
We just walked back here to my room and sat and talked, and cried, as it was soon time for her to leave. She left Pollock at 4.30pm, and when she got to the airport her flight was delayed for an hour!

I had a great weekend, and of course missed my Dad, but it was still good to see someone. I know they are very worried about me here, because I worry and panic too much. But I don't know, I think it would be the same if I had have stayed at home and went to Queens in Belfast- the only difference being I would have them there. It kills me being here when they're not, but I have to just ride with it, because I've worked to hard to get here. Mum asked me was I happy here, and to be honest I don't have an answer. I'm happy because I know I've worked hard and this is where I wanted to go from the beginning of applying for university. It's just this stupid feeling inside which is tearing me down, and I need to constantly remind myself not to worry and be happy. I am happy here, if I left after First Year, I would regret it for the rest of my life - haveing this opportunity and destroying it. Maybe it'll get better soon, they say the First Semester is the hardest - it is hard, being away from home, but the little breaks and talks with them everyday help. I just need to keep cool and remind myself why I'm here, and not make myself ill and sad. I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but maybe it's because I'm so close to my parents, who I love with all my heart, and that is hard, being away from them.

But I have had an awesome weekend, and wouldn't change it - except maybe to add my Dad into the mix who stayed at home!!!

I know I was home only 2 weeks ago for my birthday, but I'm just back from another short visit.

Ysterday was the Presentation of Awards in my high school, and as well as my A Level certificates, I got the award for English Literature (I got the highest mark in my class). So since I'm a real school lover, I just had to go! I got booked on the plane about 2 weeks ago.

I went home on Thursday, and had to miss my last lecture to make it to the airport in time. I travelled with Frances (my next door neighbour frm just outside Dublin), and we got the airport link bus and it was great, I had some company! While in the airport I met Keri (my first ever friend from nursery and also one of my best friends throughout school), who is studying in Dundee and was also coming back for the GHS presentation of awards - she was also on my flight, so I wasn't alone at all!! Good time!

My Dad collected me in Belfast International, and I headed home. It felt good to be back, but like last time, as if I had never been away. I had a great sleep in my room - unlike last time when I couldn't sleep with so much stuff in my head. I told myself before I arrived that I had to be cheerful and just forget about work while I'm home - there to have a good time, and I have time when I get back. No use worrying when I need to relax and enjoy myself.
I arrived home about 9pm and had some food and just sat and talked to Mum and Dad - nice wee catch-up .... even though I talk to them everyday! It's different in person, and fantastic to get hugs!!

On Friday morning I got up bright and early and went to the hairdressers and got a wash, cut and blow-dry. I needed a hair cut so badly - especially my fringe!!
I arrived in school and it was so strange to be back with no uniform on. Everything is the same, yet different.. with new Sixth Years, some new teachers, first years and a new Head Girl !!!
The Presentation of Awards went will - the guest speaker was the headmaster of Ashfield Boy's School in East Belfast and he was SO funny. You could tell the teachers were shocked at his 'speech' but he was easy to listen to, and for some of those people, someone they could understand, because he spoke to the pupils, noone else - his speech was about 'IF IT'S TO BE IT'S UP TO ME' - and that is just a great motto - and one which I'll be adopting (It's already up on my wall!!).
I collected my certificates and then my cup, which also came with a book published in 1909 and donated to the school in 1983 - English Literature for Boys and Girls - it is so old and cool, I can't wait to read it in the summer before I have to return it !! I had a good wee chat with some teachers, who were all asking about me here in Edinburgh and how everything is going. It was strange to be back and chatting to them, but also good to catch up. I do love school!!

After the ceremony I went with my Dad to get his eyes tested and picked new glasses for him - I think I chose well! We got a pizza for our dinner and was lovely, completely different from the food in John MacIntyre Centre !!!
Hannah came round and kept me company - fantastic to see her, I miss her so much! We all watched 'The Fellowship of the Ring' (Lord of the Rings 1' and forgot how long it lasted, But even though we weren't doing anything, it's just good to be home.

I had another okay sleep, and this morning got my eyebrows waxed - about time, my catipilliars started to grow back! Mum, Dad, Granny and I went to the Abbey Centre where I got a few small things, and a lovely dress from Matalan - for Christmas !!
I had to be at the airport (Belfast City) for 5pm, so we left home at 4.30pm, and I said my goodbyes for a wee while anyway!

Ugh I hate leaving. When I'm there I don't want to leave, and tonight I'll be sad! But then when I'm here it's like I didn't have a wee visit and I settle into my routine again, waiting for the next time to behome. I do like it here, and am glad I came, but there is no place like home, no matter how cliche it is... it is true.


(:

So, I'm a worrier - I worry about everything, FACT! I always have, and most likey probably will.
It's different at home worrying, because my parents are there to comfort me, and keep me well, but here, it is slightly different, and although I do have a good wee group of freinds, it just isn't the same.

From previous entries, you can tell that I'm stressed out about the work load, and finding the transition rough  - even though I would hate not to be here and give myself the opportunity.

Recently, I've been okay, because my essays were handed in etc....
But I have another batch due, and while at home, I spent the time worrying so much I was making myself sick - loss of appetite, no sleep, and just stressing myself out - which isn't good for myself in all ways. Plus I worry parentals while I'm here.

I went to the Doctors yesterday to see if I was well etc, because I've hardly been eating and not sleeping and just feeling sick all the time.
She said I am having little panic attacks and anxiety problems, which are common in students, particularly first year, so I'm not the first and won't be the last student she has dealt with my 'problems'.
She said about seeing a counseller, and I was like, but noo, because I'm not sad, just worried all the time, and I have a good support network here with friends and the CU etc...
So she said not to rule it out completely though either because they are professionals, and gave me a few leaflets etc. But like, I'm not depressed ha, and yeaa.

So then she said about medication... 'anti-depressants' and straight away I said no, because a: I'm not depressed b: it's not a path I want to go down ever in life and c: just plain and simple NO!!
But she explained that the one she is perscribing is a very low dose, with stuff to 'control' my anxiety. They give these to people with my 'symptoms', for people with migraine headaches and to children to stop them wetting the bed! So that proves that they aren't strong or major if kids get them!

The only side affects are that they might make me have a dry mouth and they do include sedatives, but works for me, becase you take the tablet 1 hour before sleep, and I'm having trouble sleeping - even though they're not a sleeping tablet!

So, that made me a wee bit relieved, and I have to make an appointment in 4 weeks to go back and see her... so hopefully they will help, and in the meantime I'm trying to stay positive and healthy for my sakes. I can't be here and be sick - it's ruining my opportunities. I'm fully aware that the feeling is all my own doing, because I put too much pressure on myself and it is all and only me. I alwyas have, but it's getting too much. I dunoo, I think i don't want to fail myself more than anything. Which needs to stop, I need to realise that all I haev to do is Pass, and try my best at everything.

I KNOW I CAN.
I KNOW I CAN,
I KNOW I CAN. 

 ^ My new mantra  (:

I'm one year older!! 19 years old, as of 31 October!

I had a great wee weekend of my birthday...

Thursday - friends in Lee House had a cake, cards and wee presents for me.

Friday - Went HOME!!!! <3  Plane was a wee bit late, but nothing major. It felt so weird to be home, but good. It felt like I had never been away and the whole month previously had never happened! I had some dinner, talked to parents, and Hannah came round and we watched a wee bit of a film. I went to bed after 11pm, and just talked and sat with Mum and Dad.

Saturday - Birthday! I got lots of money ( YAY!), new pj's, a book, sweets,  gloves, scarf, soapie stuff, jewellery, vouchers, photo frames, candles, bamboo, slippers.
I went shopping with Mum into town, and spent so much money! But it was fine... I'm allowed, it was my special day! That night I went for dinner with a few friends and then we just came back to my house. Nothing major or fancy, but was nice all the same because I hadn't seen them in so long either!!!

Sunday: Went to church with Mum - was weird being back in my own church, but nice all the same... and it also felt like I hadn't missed a SUnday by being here! I didn't feel too well, because of worry aboout workload back in Uni.... Tried to stay positive and happy.... Quiet day, just sat with parents and talked. It was great, I really miss them while I'm here....
I met another girl in the airport, so I had a buddy flying with. The weather was just terrible, soaked heading back to Lee House (:

 

From my last entry, I have been feeling much better - with my 2 essays handed in. The relief when they are over with, handed in and out of your control is amazing, even though a shred of worry is there, the weight being lifted off is great!
When they were handed in, I gave myself a little break, and didn't work at the weekend. I went to CU on the Friday night and had some quality time with NI girls! On Saturday, Frances, Steph and I went into Edinburgh for shopping - I didn't buy much, we raided PoundLand and I got some things I needed. That night we were supposed to go the Big Cheese, but the other 2 were out the night before, and we were tired from shopping, so a wee relaxing DVD night was had. I didn't go to church on Sunday because the youth were on a weekend, and I didn't want to go and sit alone! Another relaxing day.

My whole week after was spent looking forward to going home and my birthday, but a lot of work being done also. It was good.

I am just back from being home for the weekend, and had  a good trip. I went home on Friday night and had an 'in' night. Spent time with parents and Hannah (who came round). I went to bed reasonably early, well after 11, and didn't have a great sleep - just felt odd being in my own bed!! It was so quiet too, and I had a lot of stuff running thouh my head!
My birthday was yesterday, so I opened my presents (got money, a book, pjyamas, gloves, scarf, sweets etc from parents) and then went shopping in Belfast where I got lots - boots, dress, various tops, jumpers, skirt - all for winter! I had a good wee day with Mum and then we came home via bus and I got ready for my birthday dinner with Lauren (home from Liverpool), Sarah, Hannah and Jennie.

We went to TGI Friday's in Belfast, walked around and got the bus to my house where we stayed for a wee while talking etc. I got lovely presents, slippers, bamboo, candles, lipglosses, ornaments, money, vouchers, jewellery etc.

This morning I went to my own chuch and then just sat with parents at home. I was feeling very sick this weekend, because of nerves and whatever due to the workload - which I think is giving me some anxiety problems - which Imight have to go see the Doc about.
I want to be here in Edinburgh because I want to learn, get a degree etc, but I also want to be home with parents because i Miss them so much it hurts. I want to be doing English so badly, but the worlload is so difficult, which I hope I'll get through.

I had a fabby weekend, and some quality time spent with people I love.

<3

 

Although I am loving it here in Edinburgh, this week hasn't been my best. I've been feeling a wee bit down and worried and homesick - all rolled into one.

My course is very difficult and I'm feeling like I don't know so much as the people here. I'm worrying that I won't be able to keep up, or my standard of work is too low and it isn't what is expected from me.

With History, it isn't so bad, as this topic is new to most people - but you can definetly tell the ones who are fantastic at English. In tutorials I find it hard to speak my mind as I don't always have an opinion!! There is this one lecturer who is so bad - he speaks all about Economics, and I don't have a clue! I try to listen and take notes, but hello, I'm an English student -  I DON'T THINK IN NUMBERS!!!!

English is the difficult one for me - the lectures are going well, and I'm keeping up with the reading at the minute, it is dificult stuff but I get there, I've always been a reader. The tutorial last week gave me such a confident knock - there was 5 of us, but I didn't know anything! Because I'm fresh out of high school I haven't like, got my own opinons or interests as much - in school we're told what to study and what it means etc - Here, it's all alone.

And to top it all off - Monday coming is the Week 4 of acadamic studies. The week after that, Monday of Week 5 I have an English essay due and the Thursday of Week 5 I have a History essay due. These marks go towards my final graed of first year.
It is very worrying and stresful - and I am a big worrier, I always have been, and it's strange to not have my Mum and Dad here to comfort me - even though hey have been trying to on the telephone.

My Christian Union Small Groups was very helpful on Thursday - I felt so silly though. I came in and was asked how my week was, and I started to cry! I felt to stupid - but Katie (the 2nd year leader) was so nice to me, and she calmed me down. She even walked me back to Lee House at the end to make sure I was okay. They're all so nice - I even had a letter shoved through my door from a girl called Amy who had been thinking of me, and it was just so nice and friendly. (:

I had a really good talk with Ruth (also from NI in my building, Christian and does medicine) last night on the way home from CU. I discovered that I feel a wee bit empty. Like, sprituality wise - I am definetely, but that is something that I want to work on.
It's just so difficult, the transition from school and home to here. Not that I don't love it, it's just sometimes sitting in my wee room I feel a wee bit lonely - and everyone will at some point. It's just all this worry and stress coming out!

I'm feeling better now, just more worried about the workload. I do want to be here, it is just an odd feeling that I can't' describe - I know this is what I want to do, and  I know it's not going to be a walk in the park - I just didn't feel it would feel like this all the time.

(:

I'm still in Edinburgh. I'm still loving it. I'm still exhausted, but on the plus side, I'm not really sick anymore!! The antibiotics worked a treat.... but they took their sweet time. I still have a little tickly cough, and a bit of a runny nose, but that I can deal with!

On Sunday morning (bright and early, literally, 9.10am) I went on a church search. The whole idea is run by the Edinburgh University Christian Union to help students find churches. Various churches in the city centre area come together with little stall like things, tell a bit about the church and then when it's time for church, you leave with the one of your choice.

I chose a church called Gorgie, and it's a Church of Scotland, which is the equivilant of Presbyterian. The people representing the church were young and friendly, so on the way to the church (30 min walk from the University central area) I got talking. When we finally arrived and went inside, it was totally like my old church, West Kirk, though on a smaller scale. There was loads of children like Ballyhenry, and more young people, then the heaps of old people! I was like, whoooa, this is what I'm used too!

The service also was very similiar to that in Ballyhenry - same length, same songs. It was the assistant minister and he was good and easy to understand and listen too, sadly, it was his last SUnday in that church (typical!) So I'm going to go back and see what the proper minister is like.

As it was the minister's last week, someone was having a lunch for him, and the students who came to the church - Student Lunches are big selling points!!! We all got a bus to this family's home (me, some of the youth in the church and other students visiting the church), and the bus journey lasted about 25 minutes. The house is in the middle of nowhere, and so big! The back garden is a forest and just acres of grass. There were lots of people at the house, mostly young people, which is so good. The family used to be missionaries in Thailand so the food was Thai and beautiful -  I had sticky rice, veg, veg curry and some fish.
After lunch we all went for a ramble in the woods - there was actually 3 girls from N.Ireland there too, who live in the house opposite me, so I was with them mainly. The people are so welcoming, and acted as if they had known us for years, when in fact it was a couple of hours!
After our walk, where we all borrowed Wellington boots we all got lifts back to our houses and I really enjoyed my day.
Such a group of nice people and everthing. I was out from 910am to 530pm, haa, but I thoroughly enjoyed my day!

I am so enjoying Fresher's Week, and I can't belive I have been here a week today!
(:

So I had to go to various induction talks on my subjects during the week and they weren't anything special! History was pointless and English was useful! I met with my Director of Studies - DOS - and she is called Dr Suzanne Trill. Seems nice enough, but it was only 15 min meeting, and I think I confused her! All English Literature students do the same in first year - which is fine. But for History we choose British History (kinda like policits from 1600's) or British social history - so I couldn't decide but in the end I choose the Social one, perhaps for a bit of a change, Not sure what it'll be like! I also had to choose an additional subjct and was set on French, but was told not too, because of my workload from a combined honours. So now I'm doing Scottish Studies. (:

I also went to the Society Fair and signed up for the mailing lists of the Sign Language Society, New Scotland Country Dance Society, CHristian Union and the Model United Nations,Went to the meeting of Pollock Hall's Small groups for the CHristain UNion and it was good. About 12 in total plus 2 leaders, who stayed in Lee House last year (: Seems goood.

My wee corridor also went to the Ceilidh and it was heaps of fun - love them!

The only downfall is ... IM SICK!
Had a sore throat for ages and then it has moved down into my chest and now I've got cold like symptoms - which isn't good especially becausse of the Swine FLu epedmic and I've got asthma and classes start on Tuesday!
I went to the doctors yesterday and he asked me about my symtoms, inhalers etc, took my height, listened to chest, did a peak flow, stuck something down my throat and in my ear  - and came to the conclusion that I have a virus. He gave me new inhalers and some antibiotics ):
Hate being sick!

So this is it - I'm officially a student! University of Edinburgh --- eeks!

 I arrived in Ed on Friday and basically just walked around and got my bearings and found out where I'll be living. I also spent time with the parentals, as they were uber sad. On Friday I felt so sick with nerves, worse than my exams! I was crying and all ):

On Saturday morning, bright and early I moved in, and glad it was early, because later in the day the Halls were so busy with cars - police were there and everything - one piece of advice for those who're moving to university soon.... GO EARLY!!!
I was the first on my corridor and utterly disgusted to find that I was on the top floor - 4, and the lift was broken!! I'm so wrecked moving up all my stuff and just basically going up and down. Life should be fixed soon, there is men tinkering with it now!! On Saturday night we all went for dinner at the same time, then to some bar with Denes - House Assistant - leading us all. I was supposed to go with Mum and Dad for dinner, but they understood that it was crucial that I went to things to make friends!
 
The corridor isn't what I expected, and it's so different that what yours will be (Lauren, HannahMat, Nicola, Yoyo and Keri). Simply because I'm catered. But there is a common room and gmes room downstairs - ground floor - and a games room. Then each corridor is like, just a hall with rooms - we've got our own space. 
There is a boy next door, Michael and he plays the guitar but havn't spoken too much to him. A Ben facing me who's also English and went to boarding school - seems quiet and a wee bit nerdy!!. Frances is next door and lovely, I've been with her most. She's from Kildare in Ireland and studying primary teaching. Next is James (English) who's livley and realy dead on, he spoke to Dad and all. Then Steph who's also English, doing History and Spanish and is lovely (: Lily is quiet but has been out with us a lot, there's German Simon who went to boarding school in England and Emma - who noone has seen really nevertheless spoken too. She's uber tall.
 
I've also met Rachael from Aberdeen in a different house, been with her a lot. Ruth downstairs from Newtownards who is also going to join the Scripture Union (: Then there's lots of other people, Christine (doing my exact course EngLit and History),Francescca, Tim, Zofia (pronounced Zos -sha), Cara, Alice and Sherizade (prounced Cher-iz-add) from Dubai.
 
I've been busy going to stuff like the Official Fresher's ceremony, tour of where I'll be studying, walking around the city, induction talks, (going to meet with my Director of Studies tomorrow), went to a club (beach party and was good - cheap --> Student Union), a bar, went to see a comedian, but we didn't get in - full house!! Tonight my floor are being geeks and we're going to a Book Lovers Tour around the city (:  .
 
I went to the Acadamic Fair as I'm to do another outside sbject, and I'm toying between French and Scottish Studies - it ties in really well with my MA.
 
I'm zonked  - hardly slept. In fact, I haven't until last night. ): The John McIntyre Centre (canteen) is lovely, and brand new, the place is always busy at meal times (expcted!) and it's right beside my building, so I can get food fast. At the minute I can't complain, there is a wide selection, but last night there wasn't too much for veggies!!  Steph and Christine are veggies too, so we faff around looking for food!!
 
My Mum and Dad left yesterday and that was so sad - I had a little cry once they left, and I miss them, but I'm busy anyway!! Keeping myself occupied. I have about a 20 min walk into the place where I'll be studying in the centre of Ed and it's a wee bit tiring - Edinburgh is a walking city!! I need sensible shoes.